I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
