Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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