so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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