you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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