I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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