don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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