took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
