i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
