If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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