if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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