ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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