Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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