I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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