my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
