Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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