Are we in a gay sports bar?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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