Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
