I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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