but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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