He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
