I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There r osticjed everywhere
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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