very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
