i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
