woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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