You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
