He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
