Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
