So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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