Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
