She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
