I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
