One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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