we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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