It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
