We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
