After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
