Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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