I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
