I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
