It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
