elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
