If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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