Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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