Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ladies don't puke and tell
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