A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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