is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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