That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
