You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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