I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
