what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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