1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
