i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
