I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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