Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
