you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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