You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
